Evee Logic

Evee Logic.

 

Step Dad – Lets go ahead and remove the bad guy stigma.

OK, this is a touch overwhelming already. I used to be good at this stuff. After all I grew up in the generation of Live Journal and Xanga. I haven’t written a blog in a long time, or wanted to for that matter. Yet, here I am feeling very compelled to start at it again.

In December of 2013 I got married to the first girl I ever had a crush on. Her name is Jessea and she is a certified hottie. Always has been, always will be in my eyes. Getting married to her meant growing up and taking on responsibility. And not just for the two of us. Jessea offered me an opportunity to do something I think is unique. I get to be a Step Dad to her two amazing kids from a previous marriage. It has been a scary, terrifying, confusing, fun, stressful, and ever so rewarding journey. And I am only a year in! Well, 11 months as of right now.

I think Step Dads have this negative image. I think some of us just assume he is the guy who floats around and is there and never wanted to be. He comes home and says things like “Why are your kids touching my stuff?” or “Woman, your kids your problem.” I hate that guy. Everyone does, he is like the evil villain of a lifetime movie. And I know, more than anything, I don’t wanna be that guy.  So I am setting out on a mission to be better. And as my first admission in Dadology it is this: I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I AM DOING!

And that is ok.  Because I want to learn and need to be taught. And the first lesson I had to learn was “Listen to my wife.” And my God that was hard. Pride will get in the way so fast when you don’t or can’t ask how to do something.

I’ll give you an example: I love the image of the classic Dad; strong, capable, intelligent, and always knows how to help, fix, do, care and protect. So I try to match that archetype in my head – problem is, I kinda get in my own way. When my kids cry I want to jump in and be the repair man and just fix the problem. In that I fail to see my kid first. Jessea is the definition of a nurture. I am more like duct tape. In our first couple months as a family I saw a handful of scraped knees and tears. I wanted to fix the problem but what my kids needed was an arm around them to secure them. You can’t hug duct tape. It took time to learn to listen and stop to be the nurturer before the repair man. But, I think I’m getting there. Slower than I want but we are moving in that direction.

I know there is a long road ahead of me, but I want to be for my kids what they need from me, and sometimes that is the nurturer before the repair man.

To quote one of my favorite hardcore bands “Watch me rise.”